Breathing Words

I went to Jiffy Lube for a much needed oil change today (manned with a $19.96 coupon!) and came away with a sense of accomplishment, followed by confusion, which led to frustration, which went hand in hand with anger, and ultimately, enlightenment.

As usual, I had to fight off them off with “No, I don’t have the money to get my transmission overhauled, drained, washed, and polished… yes, I know the manual says I have to do it at 70,000 miles… well, I already have a mechanic who does the major maintenance… no, giving me a fifteen dollar discount isn’t going to convince me to spend $150 when I am here with my $19.96 oil change coupon… yes, I know my car might fall apart after I drive away, thank you very much.”

Well, guess what? No, my transmission didn’t drop out of my car. I have a 2003 Corolla S, by the way. For those who don’t have the car (but more importantly for those who do), there is a little LED light just to the left of the steering wheel that blinks red when the car is shut off and the doors are locked. The light is never on when you’re driving. At least that was my experience for the five years I’ve owned my car.

Today, after I happily drove away from Jiffy Lube, proud that I had resisted their eager attempts to take more of my money, I noticed that the light was blinking. Non-stop.

I’ll be honest, “conspiracy” was the first thought that came into my head. They did this on purpose! Just because I wouldn’t pay an extra $35 to change the stupid air filter!

I didn’t go back right away, I mean, I have a life. I had to pick up my sister, drop some stuff off for my mom, hit the bank (which I realized was closed for Veteran’s Day after the parking attendant kindly informed me of my own stupidity), drop off mail (yes, they were closed too), and return some library books (also closed).

During that time, I thought to examine the car more closely, because if it was a problem I could fix myself, there was no need to go back and bother Jiffy Lube. I opened the hood, studied the wires, checked the fuses, screwed the caps on and off, but still the light kept going.

And then I noticed that not only did the light keep going, my car alarm was no longer activated. When you push the fob to lock/unlock the doors, the car beeps to let you know the alarms being set/unset. Well, my light was going nuts, but there was no sound.

My reasoning, then, was that something got disconnected or pushed or pulled or knocked away while they were working on the car.

Back to Jiffy Lube I go. To put it briefly, the manager told me that they don’t touch anything electrical and it’s not their fault because they don’t touch anything electrical.

I know they mostly deal with fluids. I wasn’t there to blame them or demand my money back. I was simply under the assumption that he and his co-workers would know more about cars than I do, and that possibly, he could check around and give me some sort of direction. It wasn’t a coincidence that the light went haywire after I was there. But he refused to take even an inkling of responsibility. He tried to convince me that my battery miraculously just reset itself. That the battery in my key was going out. That the fuse just decided to call it quits at (STRANGE) the exact moment they were changing my oil… And, not so subtley, that I broke my own car, and decided to blame them because I was there three hours ago and all sorts of things can happen in three hours. He used tire popping as an example.

This is where the anger came in. I made him go through all the motions of what they do when they do an oil change, knowing all the while that he couldn’t and wouldn’t help me, but I was pissed and really trying make him work even a little for something I knew they were responsible for. In the end, though, I had to just drive away and go home.

Well, thank goodness for the internet, because I will now explain what the little light blinking means.

Apparently (and this is where the enlightenment comes in) there’s such a thing called “valet mode” for car alarms. It basically puts your alarm into silent. The toggle button is SO small and hidden beneath the dash, practically by the driver’s left foot in the Corolla, that I would venture to say its existence must remain a mystery to 90% of Corolla owners out there.

Well, turn the key, hold down the button, the car chirps, and all is well. (In case you ever come across this absurd problem.)

In the end, I am convinced that it was Jiffy Lube’s fault. They must have toggled the button on from overzealous vacuuming. And while it wasn’t ultimately a detrimental problem, I am still peeved that they would not take responsibility for it and were too stupid and/or lazy to even troubleshoot or problem solve. They should know better when dealing with cars. It’s their job! They’re touching my car’s private parts! 

I rarely have good experiences with oil changes. I’ve paid for things that weren’t replaced, had parts that weren’t put back, spent countless minutes haggling and saying no. It’s horrible. Jiffy Lube, EZ Lube… they suck ass. That’s all I have to say.