Breathing Words

I might be running out of time. I keep thinking I have a week more than I actually do. I am amazed at those women who have full-time jobs and still manage to plan a wedding. Even if some of them use a wedding planner to take care of the details, it’s still so much.

I was much comforted by my sister’s neurologist who got married in June and told us how she hadn’t planned the music until five days before either. And how, on the day of her wedding, she forgot the marriage license in the hotel room, so they had to put the ceremony on hold while they sent one of her groom’s buddies to go up to their room and rifle through her underwear drawer where she had hidden it.

I’m not so much worried about something going wrong, because guests usually can’t tell when there are snafus in the details, especially if you just keep smiling and pretend it’s all okay. But at the same time, I’m exhausted by the prospect of the day. As more and more details need to be taken care of, I am more and more lethargic.

I was a complete lump yesterday, unable to do anything. Making myself lunch was the biggest task I completed. Even going to the bathroom was too much for me. I seriously sat at my computer for a good 30 minutes after I needed to pee before I could drag myself out of the chair. Of course, the worst part about the lethargy is the guilt that goes with it. Because, I only have nine days left before the wedding! I don’t HAVE time to sit around thinking about whether I can hold the pee in and make one bathroom trip for the whole day. It’s what I did though. And I suppose, I’m a little too tired to feel guilty about it too. And then I feel guilty for not feeling a bit more guilty. Vicious.

I managed to get more activity out of my body today, but if the urge to pee came on me right this second… I’d still have to think about it.